How to Be Gentle With Yourself on Pet Loss Anniversaries
Updated: Sep 29
In this video, Grant Hazell, Pet Loss Grief Expert, shares guidance for navigating pet loss anniversaries and milestones with more self-compassion and less pressure.
Pet loss anniversaries have a way of arriving with extra weight. The first one without them. The birthday you still remember. The date of the diagnosis, the surgery, the day you said goodbye. These milestones can bring grief rushing back with surprising sharpness, and they often arrive before you feel ready.
Grant Hazell, Pet Loss Grief Expert, offers a short but grounding reflection for anyone approaching one of these dates, with one clear message first: lower the bar.
Lower Your Expectations as an Act of Care
Grant's first piece of guidance is the most honest one: you don't have to be a certain way on these dates, and you don't have to act in a certain manner. If you feel the pull to become insular, to distance yourself from people and places, that's okay. This is a time to devote to your grief and to honoring the bond you shared. Lowering expectations isn't giving up. It's giving yourself room to grieve without performance.
The pain that arrives on these dates is a reminder of how much you loved. As Grant puts it, grief and love are two sides of the same coin, inextricably linked. The sharpness of it isn't a setback. It's evidence of the depth of what you had.
Gentle Rituals, Not Grand Gestures
If you want to mark the occasion, Grant encourages doing so gently. A walk along a path that was special to you and your pet. The lighting of a candle. A piece of music that brings them close. Holding a favorite toy. These small rituals aren't about performing grief. They're about keeping the ongoing bond alive, reigniting the flame without forcing anything.
Grant frames this through what he calls "ongoing bonds," the idea that we don't move on from loss. We move forward with integration. We learn to carry grief so it doesn't become so burdensome, and our grief accompanies our life rather than halting it.
Your Grief, Your Way
One of the most freeing things Grant says in this video is that there is no list of ideals for how to handle hard dates. Your grief is as unique as the bond you continue to share with your pet. Honor it in a way that makes sense to you, and to the relationship that still lives in you.
Being part of a grief community, of people who are walking a similar path, climbing a similar mountain, can make these dates feel less isolating. Jasper exists exactly for that.
Grant Hazell is a Pet Loss Grief Expert.
You don't have to carry anniversaries alone. Our free community is here.
